Jokes thread

[K0rN_b4LL]

What's the difference between being hungry and being horny?

Where you put the cucumber.

 

[BlackDragon37]

I see the Russian army is now conducting drills on Finland's border.

Or as Putin calls it, "window shopping".
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Saying that electronic cigarettes may be a gateway to children smoking tobacco is like saying that lollipops might be a gateway to them sucking cock.

 

[K0rN_b4LL]

A man with a gun walks into a bar. "Who the fuck had sex with my wife?" he snarled.

A voice from the back of the bar said "You don't have enough bullets mate!"

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[BlackDragon37]

Want know what it's like being married?

Chain yourself to a wild animal.

Now kick the animal.
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Today on Loose Women: A group of middle-aged, multi-millionaire women with their own TV show tell us how unfair life is.
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Having your photo taken steals part of your soul...

Unless it's a selfie, then the damage has already been done.
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I'm not saying my wife's a fat cunt..

But the only cake she doesn't like is a stomach ache.
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The UK Government has said that Scotland could end up as a Third World country if they vote for independence.

I don't know if things will improve to that extent, but you never know.
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What's yellow and at the bottom of the Indian Ocean?

Sand, you heartless bastard.

 

[BlackDragon37]

I don't bother with the Grand National any more. Last year my horse started off at 33/1 at Aintree, and ended up at 2 for 1 at Tesco.
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I see Vladimir Putin says his divorce was amicable.

It must have been. She's still alive.
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Some girl just asked me if I thought she was wearing too much make-up.

I said it depended on whether she was going to kill Batman or not.
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All women want is to have a relationship with an intelligent man. Which is troublesome because intelligent men don't get into relationships.
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If karma really does exist, Osama bin Laden will be lying at the bottom of the sea with a plane on his head.