Jokes thread

I guess Gwyneth Paltrow finally got around to listening to Coldplay...
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Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow are going to divorce, or as they call it: Conscious Uncoupling.

In regard to child custody. Chris will come to collect their daughter on the weekends, or as I call it: Apple Turnover.
 
A new US reality show is soon to hit our screens in which single women are duped into believing they could get married to Prince Harry. There's a twist though:

He looks just like Harry...

He talks just like Harry...

And he even acts just like Harry, but he's not really Prince Charles' son.

Just like Harry.
 
There are only 10 kinds of people in this world.

Those who can read binary and those who can't.


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I saw an article about your mom in the paper yesterday.

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I dated a cross eyes chick once.

I had to dump her cause I thought she was seeing someone else.
 
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Daily Mail: "Climate change will lead to war, famine and extreme weather."

As opposed to no climate change, where we have war, famine and extreme weather.
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Mary Berry's Cream Pie.

I love cookery videos but that's fucked up.
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Of course homosexuality is a type of mental illness. Why else would they have fought so hard for the right to get married?
 
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