Thanks Nuez for the topic, and for opening the discussion.
Ravariel nailed it above (and several others have chimed in with great complementary points). "At all costs" gaming is basically not just about winning, it's usually about winning in a demoralizing way. Seeing an opponent's disadvantage and then doing nothing but setting up situations where you can ruthlessly abuse that disadvantage. An example would be one of Marduk's throw/juggle combos in T5DR which starts with a low stunning kick (techable stun). If I fought a player who obviously didn't know the tech for that stun, and (once I figured this out) immediately started doing basically nothing but setting up that combo and blasting the enemy with max damage, I would basically be bullying them and probably making them not much want to play the game anymore, at least not with strangers. This does nothing to grow the fanbase or help other players get as good as you, the good players, currently are. So for me there should be a space where you can have less brutal, more forgiving competition. Fun is definitely about fighting and winning, but when it's winning against someone who might as well have one hand tied behind their back in terms of how well they can match you, that's not really "winning" IMO. Winning is fighting a skilled opponent who can match you trick for trick and has your approximate same level of knowledge. Not brutalizing someone who can't fight at your level, or being brutalized in that fashion.
It's sort of like sparring in a martial arts class. High-ranked belts do spar with lower-ranked belts, but there's respect there for the newcomer's lack of ability and training. The higher-ranked belt will definitely be pushing the lower-ranker to work harder and get outside their comfort zone, but they will not do it in a crushing, punishing way. Or if they do, they sure to hell don't deserve that rank.
Now ShenOu makes a really good point above too (even if I don't agree with his conclusion). He states that you're always going to run into jerks who will do anything and everything they can to make the game as unfun as possible for people, or to at least ensure they are the only ones enjoying themselves. My answer to this isn't to ignore online play entirely, just to make sure you choose your sparring partners carefully. For years I posted on Armored Core forums about a game that couldn't even be played online - we literally waited months or even years to meet each other at once-yearly tournaments, taped our shit, and posted it on the net afterward. It was a very healthy, very respectful community for a long while; newcomers were always treated with respect, and the wealth of knowledge held by people who had been playing since the very first edition was always shared without hesitation (as well as strategy and tactics tips). When, much later, AC actually went online, you never had a bad match if you were playing with any one of those fans. There was too much mutual respect within the community. That kind of gaming community is what makes our hobby fun, and I really hope 8WR will continue to grow in that direction.
Last, the question of Special VS. This is a tough one. On one hand, we have the obvious fact that Namco spent probably hundreds of hours streamlining and fine-tuning the deep customization system from SC3 and polishing it into the SC4 version, no doubt including an honest attempt to balance the skills and stats. On the other hand, there's the equally obvious fact that some powers/abilities have the potential to be, if not thoroughly broken, at least hideously nasty to fight online. Invisibility is one. Honestly, another is just very high stats. A friend of mine has a Sophitia CAS with 140% ATK, 144% DEF, and 155% HP. She also gets Start Dash A. That character is just insanely hard to fight - she's got all the native speed, reach and switchups of Sophy with excellent defense even without a boost, but a substantial boost to both defense and attack in about the first 20 seconds of the fight (that's a LONG time). If I do beat that CAS with my Nightmare CAS, it always feels like a skin-of-the-teeth win. (Maybe the Sophy/NM match is just hard for NM? Don't know.) It can be a little frustrating, honestly.
So SP VS, or no SP VS? I have to vote for it, among people who want to get the whole game experience. However, I'd be the quickest to point out that it totally changes the game, and the addition of Invisibility, Charge Cancelling (create your own combos - insane with some fighters), and several of the other powers changes game balance drastically. Also, I wonder how careful the balance team really was in some cases (for instance, it might just be my opinion, but I swear chicks get better swag than dudes for both stats and skill points). Still, I have tons of fun trying to find new combinations of skills and stats that complement my favorite characters' innate strengths. And this is just messing around with 2 or 3 fighters. Over time, as I try more, I'll get even more out of it.
Tournaments with SP VS will never be seen at big events like EVO though - not as main events. That's sad in a way, but at the same time it sort of keeps the play space in a natively simpler, less intense place - since you know you'll be fighting a friend, not a merciless tournament competitor.
All the above JM2c - common disclaimer I know, but it is. :-)