Norik
[14] Master
USA Edition!
- Customer service. This piece of shit isn't even a service anymore, it's a torture. After filling in a poorly designed form on the internet where you're asked your entire life you get a generic email saying that "your problem isn't available in our database, please contact one of our specialists FOR FREE!". This "specialist" is a recorded message so slow it's painful. Press the numbers you're told and wait with the most generic elevator music ever, with interruptions every minute saying "YOUR CALL IS VERY IMPORTANT TO US. PLEASE DON'T HANG UP. HERE'S SOME MORE CRAPPY MUSIC!". If you live long enough to actually get another human in the other end of the line, you'll have to bury the phone inside your ear to hear anything at all, because these motherfuckers have been trained to speak as low as humanely possible. In the end they won't be able to do anything because they're a bunch of incompetent dumbasses, and will keep redirecting you until you throw your phone to the floor enraged.
- College admissions tests. These four hour long "tests" are designed to measure how much money you've spent preparing for it, since going with everything you've learned at school won't help at all. These assholes redesign the test every year so that you have to keep buying their guides, books and CD roms (yes, fucking CD roms). On top of that, they give you twenty minutes for each section (which tend to be about 40 questions long each), and half of the questions never appeared on the guide. You're also given twenty five minutes to write an essay about absolutely nothing, with no time to proofread or deeply analyze the ambiguous prompt, and this essay is graded in the most biased, subjective and nonsensical way possible. And as if all of this wan't enough, you're reminded of the remaining time every single minute, just to keep the pressure up. Did I mention it used scantron technology? God, I fucking hate scantrons.
- The two party system. The president is either a racist asshole that promotes violence and hates everyone that isn't American, or the most boring and generic law graduate that does absolutely nothing at all and cuts the budget of pretty much anything people may care about. If a president even dares to actually do something he'll be shot, it's the law.
- High school. A prision for teenagers that haven't done anything, public high schools are infested with weed, saggy pants and people that say stupid shit like "yolo" or "swag". Don't forget the assholes that listen to music during the class, with the volume so loud it can be heard in China, which wouldn't be much of a problem if it was actually music they listened to, but no, it's the most disturbing noises and rap lyrics humanity has ever created. These retards insist that "they won't use any of this shit in their life", which is usually the case because they end up flipping burgers and bagging groceries. And of course, the teachers don't do shit to them because they will be sued.
- Air conditioning in public places. It it summer? Then going inside a mall results in freezing to death if you don't wear a jacket, even though it's fucking 105 degrees outside. I wonder what the retards that control the AC system think... if they even think.
- The gay marriage debate. There's always a bunch of homophobic fucks that say shit like "GAYS MUST DIE LOL, GOD HATES THEM", to which you try to respond when a half naked faggot with his hair dyed pink passes through, jumping around like a little girl. Miami Beach, how I despise you.
