Dear Jorn
By: Nicholas Sparks
There once was a kid who was the epitome of badass. He talked badass, he walked badass and he even looked like he was a badass. Everyone was afraid of him, and when he made threats, they were more like promises. Because he always made good on his threats.
It was summer time and he carried around his bankai blade, just so he could look cool on the boardwalk and swing it around in the air. The badassness of the whole situation eclipsed the fact that he was basically a child inside. He wanted to be held and loved and stroked by beautiful girls whom he would impress with dinners of McDonald's and Taco Bell.
One day a beautiful asian girl was standing on the pier and she dropped her purse in the water. The pussy that was with her did nothing, but Jorn was a noble man and jumped in after the purse and saved it for her. All her shit was wet.
"Here," said Jorn. "I will talk to all your shit, the hot air will surely dry your purse out."
"Why thank you!" Said the girl, "I am so glad that you were here, but... what happened to your face?"
Jorn winced, "You noticed..."
"I'm sorry," she whimpered. "I didn't mean to offend you..."
He sighed and prepared to break down his walls. "I... I got my head stuck in a vice when I was young. It made all my facial features kind of 'squish' together. I understand if you want to leave now."
But she stayed, Kanyeh stayed for 2 glorious weeks, which was just enough time to fall deeply in love with him.
Then, Jorn got a telegram, he had to ship out for a 2 year deployment in china to hone his bankai skills. Kanyeh had a stellar idea.
"Jorn, We will write each other everyday, so it will feel like I'm right there with you!" She exclaimed.
"Yes, my darling, I promise to write everyday and let you know everything that is going on at all times! We can make this work..."
But it never did work out in the end. Jorn was illiterate, this is the first letter Kanyeh received...
Needless to say, she didn't write back.
