IvyFanboy
[11] Champion
i'll be honest I don't think I'll ever give a 3d sonic game a chance ever unless i hear massive hype. I played Sonic Adventures 2...i was very "meh" on my review. Mechanics were bland and brings me back to my homing spin attack and on rails bitch. Had some cool parts, but the cutesy characters made me wish I had Shadows gun in hindsight...maybe then I'd have tolerated the asinine idea.
My real bitch goes out to Sonic and the Secret Rings...I kid you not...I excitedly bought this title and returned it within 2 hours and asked how the manager couldn't have given me a heads up as to how god damn awful it was. It was like being offered an enema (which you payed for nonetheless)...without being told what it was or to what the experience really entailed (side note: Don't take medical procedures on whim of doctors suggestion without questioning what the hot nurse is going to do with that glove). Seriously it's probably one of the worst games I've ever played. The controls were crap. Steering was a bitch, speed control was a bitch, and dear god if you had to walk backwards you had to sit there long enough for your wife to launch out 2 kids. I mean he runs faster than a Kenyan on crack going forwards but has the velocity of a fat kid trying to get to a Dunkin Donuts at the top of a hill...He'll make it...but it's going to be a slow and painful experience to watch. I clearly remember having to jump onto a small platform which required a mere vertical jump and a slight nudge forward and had to watch my blue spaz rocket a mile away at the slightest twitch of my wiimote...15 times...15 fuckin times! Which also meant I had to walk backwards a mile...15 times...I felt like babies on crutches were passing me (also another fun time to have Shadows gun).
The worst part...the music. Now I'm a bit of a music Nazi (firm belief 98% of ALL bands formed after 1996 suck complete donkey balls...52% of which enjoy the sucking of suckable donkey ball brand donkey balls)...but there's a line of quality they crossed. If your emo, love generic rock, and have the taste of a My Chemical Romance fan inbred with a Jrock fan...you might be the one person who actually downloaded the soundtrack...congratulations Bob of New Hampshire. It's angst rock...about as bad as angst rock gets. The worst part is not so much how bad it is, but the fact that you can complete a level REALLY quick (assuming you don't have to do the forward backwards mambo for 45minutes)...which then results to you returning to the main screen to find the next level. You'll hear that fucking main screen title music (which is the worst song of the entire collection, fancy them odds) about 80 times easy before you finish the game. It'll make you want to kill yourself and sonic just to make it end...and hell maybe the guys hired to play the damned dribble...or maybe just them and spare me and the fantastic blue crack head that shared it's heroine needle of video gaming with me in my childhood. But fuck them...really...they need to be shot (I'm a bit determined to find a use for Shadow to have a gun...hang in there buddy)
My real bitch goes out to Sonic and the Secret Rings...I kid you not...I excitedly bought this title and returned it within 2 hours and asked how the manager couldn't have given me a heads up as to how god damn awful it was. It was like being offered an enema (which you payed for nonetheless)...without being told what it was or to what the experience really entailed (side note: Don't take medical procedures on whim of doctors suggestion without questioning what the hot nurse is going to do with that glove). Seriously it's probably one of the worst games I've ever played. The controls were crap. Steering was a bitch, speed control was a bitch, and dear god if you had to walk backwards you had to sit there long enough for your wife to launch out 2 kids. I mean he runs faster than a Kenyan on crack going forwards but has the velocity of a fat kid trying to get to a Dunkin Donuts at the top of a hill...He'll make it...but it's going to be a slow and painful experience to watch. I clearly remember having to jump onto a small platform which required a mere vertical jump and a slight nudge forward and had to watch my blue spaz rocket a mile away at the slightest twitch of my wiimote...15 times...15 fuckin times! Which also meant I had to walk backwards a mile...15 times...I felt like babies on crutches were passing me (also another fun time to have Shadows gun).
The worst part...the music. Now I'm a bit of a music Nazi (firm belief 98% of ALL bands formed after 1996 suck complete donkey balls...52% of which enjoy the sucking of suckable donkey ball brand donkey balls)...but there's a line of quality they crossed. If your emo, love generic rock, and have the taste of a My Chemical Romance fan inbred with a Jrock fan...you might be the one person who actually downloaded the soundtrack...congratulations Bob of New Hampshire. It's angst rock...about as bad as angst rock gets. The worst part is not so much how bad it is, but the fact that you can complete a level REALLY quick (assuming you don't have to do the forward backwards mambo for 45minutes)...which then results to you returning to the main screen to find the next level. You'll hear that fucking main screen title music (which is the worst song of the entire collection, fancy them odds) about 80 times easy before you finish the game. It'll make you want to kill yourself and sonic just to make it end...and hell maybe the guys hired to play the damned dribble...or maybe just them and spare me and the fantastic blue crack head that shared it's heroine needle of video gaming with me in my childhood. But fuck them...really...they need to be shot (I'm a bit determined to find a use for Shadow to have a gun...hang in there buddy)
