MONEYMUFFINS
[13] Hero
Vincent: A Documentary
“My name is Vincent. I’ve been playing SoulCalibur competitively for years now. At first I used to care about proving myself to other people. But then somewhere along the line I snapped. Now I make provocative comments on the internet, particularly on the forum where other players post on. It riles them up and gets them to meet up with me and settle disputes. I highly recommend this. I’m one of the biggest assholes imaginable. I was even planning on showing up to the next tournament with a t-shirt that says “Internet Tough Guy”. I think I’m cool…but a lot of others don’t. What can I say, haters gonna hate. Anyway…sometimes people wonder how I prepare for a competition. Well, I don’t practice very often because I’m lazy, but I still put up a great fight because of my past experience. I also masturbate a lot, helps me focus. Tournaments can get intense, and you have to relieve the tension somehow. Unsurprisingly, I don’t have a girlfriend, because girls are unimpressed when I tell them I play a video game professionally. So that’s when I paid for my porn online. I mean, the quality’s reliable, so I’m happy.
Tournaments are fun. I’m going to a big event soon… Haven’t been practicing because I’m lazy, like I said. But more importantly, I play by my own rules. There’s this thing called input lag on LCD TVs. CRT TVs don’t have them, so I play on CRTs. In SoulCalibur, people often beat me with cheap ring outs. So I force them to play me in cage matches, on a CRT. That way, when I win, there’s no mistaking that I am indeed the best.
I live with my parents. I never got a degree in school. So what? I can outthink you in this game. I analyze stuff a lot…and being able to apply that in real-time, during a competition…is a great exercise. That reminds me, I used to be very emotional and not very present-minded, nor logical. But as I said earlier…I snapped from being angry at the community all the time. I thought players were always disrespecting me, so I even listened to heavy metal and hardcore gangster rap music to prep me up for tournaments. The angry vibe in music really helped me to win tournaments. I was bitter, you know? After a while, I realized life is meaningless, so I should stop being so angry. Then I learned how to pick up women and get laid more often. I still don’t have a girlfriend, but I think that knowing how to get laid is just as crucial as knowing how to win a tournament. For some reason, no one else has noticed this parallel. Then again, I notice many things everyone else does not. I am gifted with intuition and drawing insights from social phenomena. That makes me wise to new players and just special all around.
My name is Vincent, and I’m a SoulCalibur player. Thanks for watching. Oh yeah, add me on facebook.”
“My name is Vincent. I’ve been playing SoulCalibur competitively for years now. At first I used to care about proving myself to other people. But then somewhere along the line I snapped. Now I make provocative comments on the internet, particularly on the forum where other players post on. It riles them up and gets them to meet up with me and settle disputes. I highly recommend this. I’m one of the biggest assholes imaginable. I was even planning on showing up to the next tournament with a t-shirt that says “Internet Tough Guy”. I think I’m cool…but a lot of others don’t. What can I say, haters gonna hate. Anyway…sometimes people wonder how I prepare for a competition. Well, I don’t practice very often because I’m lazy, but I still put up a great fight because of my past experience. I also masturbate a lot, helps me focus. Tournaments can get intense, and you have to relieve the tension somehow. Unsurprisingly, I don’t have a girlfriend, because girls are unimpressed when I tell them I play a video game professionally. So that’s when I paid for my porn online. I mean, the quality’s reliable, so I’m happy.
Tournaments are fun. I’m going to a big event soon… Haven’t been practicing because I’m lazy, like I said. But more importantly, I play by my own rules. There’s this thing called input lag on LCD TVs. CRT TVs don’t have them, so I play on CRTs. In SoulCalibur, people often beat me with cheap ring outs. So I force them to play me in cage matches, on a CRT. That way, when I win, there’s no mistaking that I am indeed the best.
I live with my parents. I never got a degree in school. So what? I can outthink you in this game. I analyze stuff a lot…and being able to apply that in real-time, during a competition…is a great exercise. That reminds me, I used to be very emotional and not very present-minded, nor logical. But as I said earlier…I snapped from being angry at the community all the time. I thought players were always disrespecting me, so I even listened to heavy metal and hardcore gangster rap music to prep me up for tournaments. The angry vibe in music really helped me to win tournaments. I was bitter, you know? After a while, I realized life is meaningless, so I should stop being so angry. Then I learned how to pick up women and get laid more often. I still don’t have a girlfriend, but I think that knowing how to get laid is just as crucial as knowing how to win a tournament. For some reason, no one else has noticed this parallel. Then again, I notice many things everyone else does not. I am gifted with intuition and drawing insights from social phenomena. That makes me wise to new players and just special all around.
My name is Vincent, and I’m a SoulCalibur player. Thanks for watching. Oh yeah, add me on facebook.”
