Jokes thread
- Thread starter Blade_edge
- Start date
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
Nice try, Clooney "wedding".
I know a casino heist when I see one.
---
I thought Match.com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it's a website to find love.
So I was close.
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The BBC is the DFS of sex abuse:
Abuse now, pay in thirty years.
---
"You haven't completed the 'Sexual Orientation' box," said the interviewer.
"I know," I replied, "I didn't understand the question."
"Well," he explained, "if you find women sexually attractive, you are heterosexual. If it's men, you're homosexual. If you find both attractive, you're bisexual. And if you aren't attracted to men or women, you are asexual."
"Put down 'asexual' then" I replied, gazing longingly at his border collie.
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Tom and Jerry cartoons on Amazon Instant Prime are being accompanied by a warning that they may depict scenes of racism.
It's about time. The display of blatant anti-cat prejudice in some of them is disgraceful.
---
A Muslim schoolgirl is complaining that she has been excluded from her Camden school for wearing a veil.
Ironically, if she lived in a Muslim country she could wear a veil to her heart's content, she just wouldn't be allowed to go to school.
---
So the US is to send 3,000 troops to help combat Ebola.
Does anyone else get the feeling they don't know what Ebola is?
---
It's certainly been a bad week for fruit.
Blackberry's handset sales are down even further, Jason Orange leaves Take That, Apple's latest iPhone update goes pear shaped, and a giant plum forgets part of his speech at the Labour Party Conference.
---
Americans: "You cannot change the 2nd Amendment".
Do they even know what amendment actually means?!
I know a casino heist when I see one.
---
I thought Match.com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it's a website to find love.
So I was close.
---
The BBC is the DFS of sex abuse:
Abuse now, pay in thirty years.
---
"You haven't completed the 'Sexual Orientation' box," said the interviewer.
"I know," I replied, "I didn't understand the question."
"Well," he explained, "if you find women sexually attractive, you are heterosexual. If it's men, you're homosexual. If you find both attractive, you're bisexual. And if you aren't attracted to men or women, you are asexual."
"Put down 'asexual' then" I replied, gazing longingly at his border collie.
---
Tom and Jerry cartoons on Amazon Instant Prime are being accompanied by a warning that they may depict scenes of racism.
It's about time. The display of blatant anti-cat prejudice in some of them is disgraceful.
---
A Muslim schoolgirl is complaining that she has been excluded from her Camden school for wearing a veil.
Ironically, if she lived in a Muslim country she could wear a veil to her heart's content, she just wouldn't be allowed to go to school.
---
So the US is to send 3,000 troops to help combat Ebola.
Does anyone else get the feeling they don't know what Ebola is?
---
It's certainly been a bad week for fruit.
Blackberry's handset sales are down even further, Jason Orange leaves Take That, Apple's latest iPhone update goes pear shaped, and a giant plum forgets part of his speech at the Labour Party Conference.
---
Americans: "You cannot change the 2nd Amendment".
Do they even know what amendment actually means?!
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
I asked my doctor if it was normal for guys to get an erection when he sticks his finger up their ass during a prostate exam.
"Yes," he replied, "but your the first one to grab my wrist and ride it reverse cowgirl. "
---
After my mate killed my wife in a car accident, I told him, "You'll never know how this feels."
Then he proved me wrong by winning the lottery.
---
I don't understand why all the religious people are whining about the abuse I give them on the internet.
Why don't they just pray for me to stop?
"Yes," he replied, "but your the first one to grab my wrist and ride it reverse cowgirl. "
---
After my mate killed my wife in a car accident, I told him, "You'll never know how this feels."
Then he proved me wrong by winning the lottery.
---
I don't understand why all the religious people are whining about the abuse I give them on the internet.
Why don't they just pray for me to stop?
