Jokes thread

K0rN_b4LL said:
In Afghanistan if you want to marry a woman you have to shoot her father with an RPG.
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Its a reference to Al Qaeda. Not everyone who lives in Afghanistan is a part of Al Qaeda. How does this make sense? "Hi, I love you, now I'm going to blow up your father cuz he's from Afghanistan." Not only is it racsit and not funny. It doesn't even make sense.
 
My wife tricked me into having sex with her last night.

She slept in our daughter's room.
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A girl I know posted on Facebook: "My toddler crawled under the garden fence! Lol, nails and wood will be out tomorrow!"

I replied, "I think crucifixion's a bit harsh."
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Liverpool University have spent £900k on a study, showing that early humans mated with Neanderthals.

I could have saved them £900k of that just by watching TOWIE.
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Joan Rivers' funeral was attended by loads of other celebrities. No doubt it was deeply emotional for them all but with all that botox it was hard to tell.
 
Dear Scotland,

If you go, that's it. We don't want drunken phone calls in a few months saying what a huge mistake it was.

Regards,

England.
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The Birth Control pill turned 55 years old today.

And the phrase,"Fucking hell you fucking cunt! I thought you were on the Pill!!" turned 54 years and 11 months.
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Gloria Hunniford said on TV today that she gave her friend Sir Cliff a call to ask how he is coping because he 'loves coming on loose women'.

Take it that Gloria doesn't know him as well as she makes out...
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Today is the 186th birthday of Leo Tolstoy , famous for writing the unfinished novel 'War and Peace'.

He did actually manage to finish it of course , but no one else has.
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Sure, white people can't say the n-word, but at least they can say phrases like, "Thanks for the warning, Officer," and, "Hey, Dad."
 
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