Jokes thread

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What's happy and has tears running down both cheeks?

Justin Bieber's arse.
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I always thought stories of prison rape were vulgar, harsh and distressing.

Then, when I heard of Justin Beiber's arrest, I found myself smiling at the concept.
 
A sadist, zoophile, murderer, necrophile, pyromaniac, and masochist are hanging out in the mental ward.

Sadist: "Hey I have an idea! why don't we torture a cat?"

Zoophile: "Yeah, let's torture then fuck it!"

Murderer: "You should torture it, fuck it, then kill it."

Necrophile: "Right, then once it's dead, let's fuck it again."

Pyromaniac: "Yeah! Then let's set it on fire!"

Everyone looks at the masochist.

*silence*

Pyromaniac: "Well, aren't you going to say anything??"

Masochist: "MEOW!"
 
Ordering something off Ebay is like being pregnant.

You wait for 9 months and when it gets there it isn't the right color.
 
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