Jokes thread

[BlackDragon37]

Feminists calling for a female Dr Who have clearly misunderstood the point. He's a doctor, not a nurse.
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The Hulk just texted me a picture of a zucchini.

I think...
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One of the Woolwich murder suspects said in court, 'Only Allah can judge me.'

A few weeks from now, when his cellmate has just smashed in his back doors, it'll occur to him that the courts can too.

 

[K0rN_b4LL]

So I wasn't paying attention and got into a fender bender. A dwarf got out of the other car and said "I am not Happy." I replied "Ok, which one are you?" And that was how the fight started.

 

[BlackDragon37]

I just got a phone call from a representative from Google.

"We're campaigning to get people to sign an on-line petition supporting our company tax arrangements in light of the government's plans for an investigation."

"You can fuck right off," I told him. "It's the law abiding tax payer like me who suffers because of bastards like Google. You're getting no support from me!"

There was a pause before he added, "We know your browsing history."

"It's about time somebody stood up to the Government. I'm logging in as we speak."
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Jokes don't kill people.

Muslims who are offended by jokes kill people.
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After years of in depth studies and research, scientists have finally found out what makes women happy.

Nothing.
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I hate religious extremists.

Except Buddhist extremists, they're fucking lovely.
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I was walking to the video store last night to rent a porno, when I saw a woman being raped.

Saved myself a fiver.
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The NSA Director walks into a bar.

Bartender: I've got a new joke for you.

NSA Director: Heard it.

 

[K0rN_b4LL]

 

[BlackDragon37]

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

Unless he's a Vegetarian.

Then you can get there through his fanny.
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During this very personal moment in their lives, Kim and Kanye ask that you honour their request for extra publicity...
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I don't know what's sadder.

The number of people having to send posthumous Father's Day messages on Facebook, or the number of people who believe in an afterlife.

Especially an afterlife that's got internet access.
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Just had a sexting threesome with my girlfriend and the NSA.
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Stereotyping people because of their religion is not nice.

Whether they be a Christian a Jew or a terrorist.
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The guy who invented applause must have looked like an idiot when he first tried it out.