Infidelity, I lose!!!

As a married man with 2 kids myself (10 & 7), I can totally see where your mnd must be right now. I tell ya thats one of my worse fears. Im not in your situation (your in the Army iirc) so I cant say that "Ive been there". But if that happened to me I dont know what Id do.

I do think however. that you are handling this to the best and most mature to your ability. Hell...anyones ability! So much props goes to you there. I do agree with AmillionHP cause I know hes married with kids to...You have to get yourself out of that situation asap!! I couldnt stand to be more than 20 miles from my kids, so I would stay in the area to.

You dont have to forgive her, but you HAVE to TRY to figure out a way that you and her can be civil. You dont have to be friends or anything, but I highly suggest you do what it takes to get into YOUR head that its over, so your brain can move on. It makes it MUCH easier on the kids to see that even though mom and dad arent together, they can still act like parents. Cause thats what you are first and foremost....a parent. Never forget that.

Im one of the minorities of the statistics. I got married to my 1st wife on my 21st birthday. And through trial and error, it ended less than a year later. But I had a son that was only 6 months old. So from damn near day 1, My sons mom and I thought it best to try and maintain a civil relationship. there have been a FEW bumps in that road but her and I actually get along pretty well. We arent hanging out with my new wife and her new husband, talkin bout poitics and the weather and shit. But when it comes time to talk bout my son, we always come to some sort of agreement on anything. It makes my new wife (of 8 years so I guess I cant call her new) jealous at times.

But out of respect that she is my sons mom, I give her that respect. Took me a year or so before I was completly over her, but I can remember the exact moment I realized it, and it was a great feeling.

So I guess this is where I say things like "there are other fish in the sea" "she was a bitch anyway" "time will heal your pain" blah blah blah. But if you were anything like me...you dont wanna hear that shit. Truth is you have a very rough road ahead of you. And its a pain I wouldnt wish upon anyone. So I suggest you prepare yourself, mentally, physically, and emotionally. And focus on whats important now...Your 2 beautiful daughters!!

HRD
 
HRD pretty much summed up all that needs to be said.

One thing id like to add and even though you said you were done with her, i feel its important to bring up anyway. Sometimes, sacrificing everything for the sake of your kids aint really best for your kids in the long run. My son is not old enough for me to know from a fathers perspective but i know well from a child's. What i mean is, this affair is going to summon up the worst in you. This kind of thing can never be truely forgiven or lived down. It does not go away and hate is going to be a frequent emotion for a while now. The kids pick up on this. They will feel that resentment and anger even if its not directed at them and the more pain you go through and sacrifices you make over time, the stronger the hate will grow as a result. This will all have an eventual increasingly negative effect on yourself and the kids by extension. Bottom line, be careful not to do so much for them at your own expense. Many people who do this eventually snap, and the kids end up paying for it down the road anyway.

Of course, if you are finished with the relationship and leaving her, then my point is lost anyway. It really only applies if you were gonna stick around, i guess. Even so this is something i feel easily overlooked by parents and deserves some mention.
 
I gotta say, I'm getting a lot of good stuff from y'all. I didn't know what to expect when I posted this, but I knew there were people here who have a wife and kids and have gone through some crap of their own.

Anyway, I hear you guys on that. And it does still suck. It sucks because NOW, she's trying to make things better, and of course I want things to be civil around the kids as well. We spent almost the whole day together at a farmers market, driving to a state park, and going shopping. The whole time, I never tried to act like we were together, but we were hanging out as a mom, dad, and kids.

It's just hard to do all this now that it's all different. The hard pill to swallow is that this other guy is still out there, probably waiting for her to call that the coast is all clear now. She loves this guy, and basically chose him over me when it came to trying to work this out. I didnt' want to even give her that chance, but I stuck myself out there anyway, hoping that maybe we could, and she didn't take it.

I'm getting money together now to find a place. Just figuring out where I balance this whole new relationship now? She still has things to do for law school, but I don't really owe HER, anything. If it's for my kids, I'm down, but how to I turn her down for things, while still making sure I'm available to my daughters?

I'm an ok looking guy, someone else will come into my life. Not right away, but when it does, how do you deal with the next one in explaining "baby mama" drama? Obviously I'm going to be up front about it, but not sure how it's going to go over in a new, young relationship. What do people in their mid 30's do for fun, haha. I haven't had to worry about dating since I was 24.

This is something I never thought would happen, so I'm in uncharted waters on a lot of things. Just sucks worse because I don't have any boys up here to hang with, nothing really. Met some cool people playing ball this summer, but they're not my homies or anything like that. Got nobody to even really go and have a couple beers with.... Bout to just go out solo just to see what the hell happens. We'll see, but y'all keep it coming man, cuz I'm listening.
 
And you were right "Million" she did try to turn the blame to me, that I wasn't here. I did everything I could to be there, while I wasn't there. I won't go the details, but I did everything I could, gave to her financially, emotionally, whatever she needed, I got it for her, backed her up. My biggest issue was the fact that she met this guy, fell in love and began a sexual relationship well before I came up here and relocated my life, and she didn't say a damn thing about it.

She's better than that. Ok, she was lonely and vulnerable, but I honestly thought after 11 years, that she had the character and morals to actually let me know that someone else had come into her life, no matter how much it was going to hurt, because I was about to sacrifice a lot of things to be up here and support her. That's the real kicker in all of this.

Alas, all I can do is move forward and work to better myself and my situation, and hope she doesn't get a hair up her ass and try to make me miserable in other ways.
 
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