Stupid mechanics thread

[damn-I-Suck]

Okay...

I know that most of you out there have had the bad misfortune of having a bad mechanic. It's inevitable, since many places will hire people who are unqualified, or just plain stupid. Or maybe the technician worked a really long week and didn't get much sleep, who knows.

First of all, I'm a full time automotive student. I'm almost finished with the 2-year degree, and right now I'm in manual transmissions class.

Anyways...

Some guy in the afternoon class (I'm in the morning classes) had to replace a clutch for his class (1996 ford ranger 4-cyl). At the end of the day, he left with the 4 top bolts to the bell housing left on the table because he couldn't line them up with the engine.

My teacher asked me to take over and finish the job.

Mistake#1

You should NEVER EVER tighten a few bolts all the way down before you even get the rest of the bolts at least hand-threaded a few turns. You want to make sure that shit is lined up perfect before you start tightening shit down. This is common sense for automotive 101, and applies to just about anything.

It was then that I realized why the top bolts he left off wouldn't line up. It wasn't that the transmission wasn't lined up, it was that there was a fucking WIRE CONNECTOR pinched between the engine and the bell housing right at the top. Here's 2 pictures I took with my crappy phone.

In the first picture, it's kinda blurry and hard to see, but if you look carefully, you can see a wire harness going to a connecter, stuck between the transmission and the engine. When he tightened the bottom bolts down, it crushed and cracked the plastic connecter with wrench tightening torque.

When I pulled the trany out, bunch of plastic pieces came out. Go figure. Here's what the connecter looked like when I pulled it out.

Needless to say, this simple clutch job turned into a much bigger hassle. I eventually got it handled though.

Have any stupid mechanic stories to tell? Well here's the place. Pictures are a plus.

 

[Hot Rod Dave]

Oh my. I could sit here for days and talk bout all the stupid shit I seen. But Ill forget all that and do a couple of recent ones.

The primary business of my shop is engine rebuilding (along with many others but this seems to be what I have been doing most), So I see what happens when people dont take care of their engines. Allow me to demonstrate.

I built a 502 cid chevy engine for a customer so that he could put it in his jet boat. I was against making a 502 a marine version, being that the 502 itself is a wonderful street engine that should be in a hot rod. But not my moeny so who cares right?

On salt water cooled engines, its nessacary to need special head gaskets to hold up to the salt waters corossiv-ness (im not sure if thats a real word but you get the idea). Those particular head gaskets are more expensive than regular gaskets. I advised the guy "Hey man you need to run these gaskets." He resonpded by saying that I was charging to much money. Just to put the bottom end together and he would finish up the rest.

Well a month later I get a very angry phone call. Same dude screamin at me bout how his oil looks like a "milkshake". So rule of thumb is NEVER EVER tell a customer "i told you so". My famous line is "Look boss, I would be very upset to. Get the motor out, get it to me. Ill go through everything no charge and find out what happened. If its something I did, I will take care of it, but if its on you...". He agreed and I got the motor a few days later and this is what I saw

Upon taking the heads off, I saw that he used regular head gaskets. So the terms "I told you so" were flowing through my head.

So when your engine oil is in that kind of shape, well things cant get lubricated. and this is what happens to your crankshaft

The tore up part at the bottom isnt supposed to be like that. Its supposed to be a nice smooth machined surface.

and this is what happens when you have a bunch of drunk idiots at the beach trying to tell you "NAH man, just bump up the timing and lets get back in the water..."

and this is where all those pretty metal shavings are gonna go. right to the bottom of the oil pan

So the lesson here folks is, not ALL mechanics are dumb assholes. Some of us know what we are talking bout. Granted that we dont have a great reputation. By I myself pride myself on honesty and integrity to my customers and have had a very loyal fan base for over 10 years.

Customers I hate the most: Guys that come in saying "So Ive been reading on my forums that I should...." or "I read in this one magazine that....". I say to that "Fuck you, if youve read that in a mag or on a forum, YOU BUILD IT. Most forums are a bunch of retards that can post up anything they want (sound familiar).

My most memorable customer: Lady comes in with a cool look on her face. "Dag gum I just broke my serpintine belt 3 miles down the road. Drove it all the way here, can you help me?" "Of course I can, but did you really drive it THAT far with NO belt on it?" "Well yes and no. There was no belt but I wrapped my panty hose around all the pullies and got it here." I was amazed. I went out to the car, popped the hood, and Ill be damned. She wrapped the panty hose around everything and it fuckin worked. I started the car cause I wanted to see this in action. Worked like a charm."

Unfortunatly Damn-I-Suck, you and I are the only car guys here. This might be our own little special thread that we share together. No homo

 

[Hot Rod Dave]

Might be better to change it to "Stupid mechanics/customer Thread" Cause I think I went off on a totally different tangent

oh but this is what a 502 looks like when Im done with it. Done up the right way

 

[Pernicious-Soul]

Hrd I've also used pantyhose as belt to get car to autozone to buy belt :) I'm not a mechanic by trade but love turning wrenches.

 

[Hot Rod Dave]

I question why you had panty hose on you. But yeah good shit!!